Transforming panic into power
Why some bodies say 'Let’s go' and others say 'Please no'—and how we can increase our capacity for difficult things
Not all nervous systems are created equal.
While some of us love things like loud concerts, surprise birthday parties, or jumping out of a plane, others of us get more than enough stimulation when a horn beeps unexpectedly in traffic 😂 🙋🏼♀️.
As a sensitive human, I know that some stimuli are just going to hit me differently; it doesn’t take much to get my heart rate up. And while some of this might just be how we came into the world, it’s also true that these responses are also conditioned by our unique histories. Among other factors, for example, CPTSD and developmental trauma have a measurable effect on how we respond to life’s stressors. Shock trauma, too, leaves its marks: my history of car accidents means that I am much more (hyper)vigilant behind the wheel than my partner.
So, it’s normal that we all have things that push us out of our comfort zone and into the “oh shit” zone. One way to look at this is through the “Window of Capacity” model1! What a segue.
The Window of Capacity Model
The Window of Capacity is a way to talk about our nervous system (or, our body/psyche system). If you’ve never seen it before, it’s pretty simple. When we’re in the middle of our window, things are going okay; we can handle the environment and stressors we’re faced with.
As our stressors increase, or our environment changes, we can find ourselves pushed to the edges, and maybe even out of the window, into a hyper-aroused (“fight or flight”) or hypo-aroused (“freeze”) state. In that hyper-aroused state, we might feel like our blood is pumping, our body is hot, we're ready to run, or kick some ass, or just get through the situation as fast as we can.
Some situations are more likely to push us into the hypo-aroused, bottom part of the window. And, some humans are more likely to gravitate one way or another. I, for example, when faced with conflict, will get incredibly sleepy. If someone wants to fight with me, I want to take a nap. In this state, we might just feel dull, or “out of it;” we’ll get through the situation, but we might not remember much about it later.
Please hear me when I say to you that both the hyper and hypo-aroused states are NORMAL and ADAPTIVE responses to situations that would otherwise be too much for us to handle. These are literal survival responses. Fighting back, running away, or playing dead are all functional ways for humans to survive. If you have a tendency to go to one of these states, that’s because they were a necessary way for you to get through something intolerable at one point in your life. You’re a survivor! Great job.
When these responses get in the way…
At the same time, we may find that certain situations push us out of our window of capacity more quickly than we’d like. When things happen very fast, for example, or when we feel threatened by another human. It can also show up when our bodies are pushed to their limit (as in exercise).
In fact, that’s where we can really see these patterns— and where we can really work with them. Group fitness, especially moving in synchronicity, is a social activity that feels so stressful for some that they actually GET less coordinated. Or for other folks, having to respond to an object being thrown at them is their nemesis— they might actually close their eyes and curl up into a ball (hypoarousal). Ask someone to walk a balance beam and watch their nervous system come to life!
How panic becomes power: training the nervous system
Like any habituated pattern— especially survival patterns— our nervous system reactions are deeply grooved. They’re incredibly difficult to change, because when we’re under stress, we will always default to our safest known response. Many people I know have dealt with this by simply avoiding situations where they will be pushed in this way. They say things like, “I’m just not coordinated,” “I’ve never been athletic,” “I don’t like to get hot,” or “I don’t enjoy sports.” But there’s almost always more to the story.
Not only can these patterns be changed, but changing them in one situation— like, yes, the gym— has a direct carryover effect to other areas of your life.
An essential factor in training your nervous system is that you are going to have to ask yourself to do something that feels unpleasant. It sucks, but there it is. The discomfort might be physiological, or psychological, but either way, you’re not going to like at least some of it. For this reason, it can be really helpful to have a companion— a coach2, a guide, or a friendly group— on hand to support you. You also need them for accountability— because again, left to your own devices, you might just not do it at all.
The actual mechanism for training? Well, that depends on the human, and there are lots of different ways to do it.
Tossing a ball, as I show here, is an easy way to start to train your nervous system:
For folks who find themselves feeling heading into panic town when they get angry or activated, we might try deliberately activating ourselves, and then resting, as shown here:
A second critical factor in this training is that you need to be able to pause, rest, or get out of there if it does feel like it’s too much. This means that it needs to be “safe” enough to stop— something that may not be doable in group fitness, for example, if you feel pressured by groups, or if your trainer does not encourage rest. This is a non-negotiable, however: if we don’t really know that it’s okay to stop if we want to, we will get pushed right out of that window of capacity into our form of panic mode. This doesn’t mean that you have to take a rest— it means that you know you can if you need to.
In between sets, or anytime we start to feel overwhelmed, we know we can rest— and making it an active rest, where our body is still moving, keeps us in the game. We’re practicing the natural pendulation (up-and-down rhythm) of our nervous system. Even taking a little walk around your training space and letting your heart rate come down is a great way to work with this. This video shows a few ways I might work with active rest:
By now you’re probably realizing that the ways in which we can train the nervous system are as varied as my hairstyles— not a bad analogy, actually, because our systems really are that individual, and our responses that unique. Nonetheless, the key ingredients are:
Exposing yourself to a manageable stressor
Giving yourself permission to dip out if you really need to
Taking it at your own pace, and allowing for active recovery in between.
The final thing that I will suggest here is advice that one of my best friend’s mother’s gave her years ago: “Honey, you should always leave the party while you’re still having a good time.” A little bit of this training goes a long way. Let it feel good, and stop before you’re sick of it. That way you’ll want to come back and do more— and your window of capacity will gradually increase as you get more and more comfortable experiencing and working through that feeling of activation. Panic becomes power as we learn to use our system’s natural stress reaction to fuel a response that is right for us.
With thanks to
, who uses the term “capacity” here rather than “tolerance” as in the original Dan Siegel model to reflect a positive sense of agency vs. adherence to larger systems and oppressive norms.If you relate to this, and have a coach, trainer, or group ex instructor who insists on pushing you when you are in panic mode, or who doesn’t encourage rest as needed, they are the wrong person for you. Look for someone who has some trauma informed experience.
Loved everything about this! Clear explanations of our bodies different responses to stress and some great examples of ways to practice training the nervous system manageable stress.
Changing that “safe” response - facing the uncomfortable, resting when necessary/warranted - is some of the hardest and most rewarding work that I’ve done.
Always interesting and informative Laura. I have a sensitive nervous system that gets overstimulated so easily. I love your term panic town, I've visited that town many times!