Religious traditions & new-age wisdom often tell us to "release control"-- but for those who've lacked control over their own lives, it may be more important to *find* control, first.
I’ve been so well trained to believe (controlled…) that the desire for control is sinful or bad, shows a lack of trust or faith, even weakness or ignorance.
“Control your emotions and reactions.” But really that message is “just take it” - take the mistreatment and continue to show gratitude towards those who have more power/control/privilege (even if they’re lacking any type of awareness…just flaunting their position)
And yet recently my emotions aren’t staying under wraps. I’ve lost my temper. But somehow after reading this, I understand this was not me losing control, but rather taking control, allowing my emotions (tho deemed unacceptable by many) to show up.
YES. Such an important lens to consider- how “control your emotions” translates to “just take it”— who’s allowed to have emotions and who’s not? Some of us have to control them and others don’t. I always appreciate your reflections !! (And love hearing that you’re reframing that lost temper as regained control!)
So timely Laura. When we feel out of control, we often seek to control something else. Making a conscious decision to manage a small area of our lives can be helpful, as long as it doesn't become an obsession. Taking action, such as organizing a closet or cleaning out a drawer, can provide a tangible sense of accomplishment and relief.
Excellent piece and I thank you.
Love your view on this.
I’ve been so well trained to believe (controlled…) that the desire for control is sinful or bad, shows a lack of trust or faith, even weakness or ignorance.
“Control your emotions and reactions.” But really that message is “just take it” - take the mistreatment and continue to show gratitude towards those who have more power/control/privilege (even if they’re lacking any type of awareness…just flaunting their position)
And yet recently my emotions aren’t staying under wraps. I’ve lost my temper. But somehow after reading this, I understand this was not me losing control, but rather taking control, allowing my emotions (tho deemed unacceptable by many) to show up.
YES. Such an important lens to consider- how “control your emotions” translates to “just take it”— who’s allowed to have emotions and who’s not? Some of us have to control them and others don’t. I always appreciate your reflections !! (And love hearing that you’re reframing that lost temper as regained control!)
So timely Laura. When we feel out of control, we often seek to control something else. Making a conscious decision to manage a small area of our lives can be helpful, as long as it doesn't become an obsession. Taking action, such as organizing a closet or cleaning out a drawer, can provide a tangible sense of accomplishment and relief.
Well-said, Anne! The tangible sense of accomplishment is such a real thing— felt sense of control!